Today/tonight was the best day and night I have had in SO long.
When you’re eighteen (like myself) you want a lot of things that aren’t necessary…like the new iPhone (when you already have the other version), or FRONT ROW seats to that awesome concert (when you already have 3rd row). But you also want a lot of things that everyone needs. You want friends. You want to be noticed. You want to feel like people care about you. You want to feel and BE beautiful. You really just want to be wanted by others.
To find all of those things you go through SO much that makes you think you have it all, only to be let down in the end by people who just wanted your sweet Red Sox tickets, or they just wanted an awesome birthday present…even people who wanted to use your love. It takes you a while to figure out who’s there for ythose things, and who’s there because they’re ready to give rather than take.
Since fifth grade, I’ve been THAT girl. The one who everyone knows…but that’s because she’s an easy target. The girl that gets invited to EVERY birthday party…only because I always gave really awesome gifts. The girl who people hung out with come baseball season, only because I got season dugout seat tickets for my birthday every year. I was never wanted…my things were always wanted. And I was always fine with it, because that meant I didn’t have to cry myself to sleep that night…they made me FEEL like I was accepted, even though I wasn’t.
For the past eight years I have been trying to please everyone in my life except for me. Am I proud of that? No. Am I ashamed of that? No. I was…but tonight made me realize all those Red Sox games spent with people who HUMILIATED me the next day brought me to the people who I love the most, and the people I know truly care.
I thought about so much today…
- If I hadn’t been humiliated to the point where I hated myself, I would have never written that first song…the one that made me realize I was a pretty good writer…
- If I hadn’t been pushed to my breaking point by my coach, I would have never switched teams and met my best friends; Francesca, Bianca, Olive, Andrew, Robert, Rony, Greg, John…I love you all.
- If my brother and I hadn’t been bullied so bad by HIM…if we hadn’t been pushed down stairs, ignored, had our hair cut off in class, and even been STABBED in class with a screw driver…we wouldn’t be as close as we are today.If I hadn’t been let down by “you”…I would have never met “…you”
All of those things made me who I am today. I’m strong, I’m actually CONFIDENT…I love who I am! I’m so excited that I’ve finally realized what matters and what never did. Sounds so cliche…but I’m so excited.
Thank you to the people who encouraged me. Thank you to Nick, Joe, and Kevin. Thank you to Demi Lovato. Thank you to Francesca, Bianca, Olivia, Andrew, Robert, Rony, Greg and John. And a special thanks to everyone who put me down, bullied me, told me I wasn’t good enough…I owe it all to you :]
You might think it’s weird to post Demi Lovato here…but she was bullied. And look where she is? Look at all those people who put her down. I bet they all go to her concert. Look how well she presents herself. Look how successful she is. Look how strong she is. She’s proving them all wrong…all the people who told her she would never be good enough…they’ll never matter. And she’s speaking out against them.
One of the boys who used to call me ugly, used to make fun of me…tell me I was a hobbit, that I’d never be beautiful, I’d never be good enough, I’d never amount to anything. Well, he was arrested last saturday for assault and battery on a HOMELESS man. The homeless man did nothing, didn’t provoke him…actually asked the boy to leave him alone. He said “please, leave me alone kid…just walk away”. Did he walk away? No…he beat him to a pulp, knocked his teeth out and taunted him. Good people change…Bad people don’t want to. And to think…I used to CARE what he said? This boy is a prime example of the ones who never mattered…never will.
aloha.
